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Ask Sir Jerkowitz

I am your first point of contact to confide in with all of your curiosities in the world of being a Jerk. Feel free to submit anything you need assistance with. Whether you need help being a Jerk, or if you need help dealing with a jerk, I am here to mentor you. You’re welcome.

Sir Jerkowitz

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3 thoughts on “Ask Sir Jerkowitz

  1. Hello,I need help with something. My girlfriend has me under control,whipped you might say,and I’m not sure what to do? Do I be a jerk to her? Do I hit her back? What do I do?!?!

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  2. Hello Ray, Sir Jerkowitz here, and I would be glad to help you with your situation! First off, let me say NEVER EVER EVER under any circumstances hit a woman. The strength of a man is 9 times out of 10 more than that of a woman just based off of the frame of your body alone. By all means, block her if she hits you, but to hit a woman would prove nothing, and it’s just wrong in all circumstances. People who abuse other people is wrong in all circumstances. Being a Jerk, based on my definition, is way different than just being an asshole who causes harm to others without feeling an ounce of guilt. Understand that.

    In your situation I would do a couple things, which differ based on you. First, I would just leave her ass. This puts you out of a position where you feel abused, and it also eliminates the chance that you feel the need to fight back. Now I understand that you may have difficulty doing that, however it is a necessary step if you truly want to help yourself. Secondly, I would try and get help for her, and yourself. Calling the domestic help hotline would be a great step.

    In conclusion, Ray, definitely do not hit her back! Don’t do it. You are almost certainly going to get prosecuted for this, so that is a very unintelligent move. An intelligent move is to get away from her. She has anger issues, and you will put each of yourselves out of trouble if you just get away from her. Be a jerk in the way that you are a quick witted menace to society, spitting your blunt, and unfiltered opinions at anything that steps into your path. I.E. Donald Trump.

    Sir Jerkowitz

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  3. Sir Jerkowitz,

    I’ve got problems with people stealingcookies out of my cookie jar. I’ve tried making cookies that taste disgusting, but they never turn out how terrible. I think I’ve got a serious problem here.

    Sincerely,

    My cookies bring too many people into my house.

    Like

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