Have you ever just sat in silence, thinking to yourself: If I could change one thing about the world, what would it be? Me neither…

If I could have any super hero power, I know that I would not choose something that I hear people say a lot. I wouldn’t choose the power to fly because, I mean I just don’t really care about flying. In fact, I’m scared shitless of heights! Plus what would you do with that anyway? Just get on a fucking plane. Without the accompaniment of other, better powers you’d pretty much just be using it for you own recreational use, and that really just makes you a super selfish prick.

Another person told me he’d want to have the power of telekinesis, you know, the ability to like, move shit around…. This really just proves how freaking lazy some people really are.

“I want the power to not have to get up off my ass to move things around.”

Typical America. This is a little out of context, I know, I know. You could use this power for moving things that would be impossible for a human, or a group of humans to move like maybe maneuvering a missile away from the Earth, or some science-fictional bullshit like that. Which only in some weird ass scenario like that, would your power ever really be useful. And I seriously doubt that anybody in their right mind would fire a missile at a place where they knew somebody with this power existed. I mean come on, you don’t need to have the power of common sense to figure that shit out. Me? I feel the need to have a power that’s more universal, something that would effect a larger amount of people on an everyday basis. I would have the power to teach people a lesson. Right? Right?! Fucking genius, I know.

Think about it, if I could have the power to teach people a lesson, imagine all of the possibilities I could do with it. I mean I could seriously have some fucking fun doing this shit. I could correct the behavior of people all over the world with this one power alone. I could be like the Abe Lincoln, or the MLK, or the Adolf Hitler of our generation! I could change the world… *insert rainbow, and glitter*

Let’s say that some single mother of three won’t stop smoking, regardless of her children’s constant begging for her to quit.

“This is my last cigarette” She says. “I promise.”

Little Timmy looks up at his mother in awe, confident in her word. See Timmy is only seven, so when his precious mommy promises something, he undoubtedly believes in her. His older sisters Molly and Jenna, however, just sort of shrug off her promise. They see right through it, and treat it like it’s meaningless. It is meaningless to them, how many times has she broken the same damn promise? But regardless, they gave their mother a fake smile and left her alone on the front porch, where  she finished her “last” cigarette. Of course it wasn’t her last. She’d quit for a week maybe but then she’d start right back up. This is where I’d come in with my super power. Using the power to teach her a lesson, I’d give her Terminal Lung Cancer! Wait for it… I’d make it curable, but I’d make her suffer with it long enough until she decided she should have never picked up one of those cancer sticks to begin with! And once she’s cured, should she ever decide to smoke again, I Would just rinse and repeat the process so that every single time she smoked just one cigarette, she would undoubtedly get Terminal lung cancer.

So yeah, maybe my power is a little cruel, but you have got to admit that it’s incredibly awesome! However, knowing myself, I would probably only use it to manipulate the things that are happening in MY life. Like, if there’s some asshole in the black Corvette who cut me off, I might teach him a lesson and make his car hydroplane into a semi, leaving him completely paralyzed from the waist down. Let’s also throw in there that the Corvette gets completely destroyed in the process. Hell I might even shit on him. That being said, maybe it’s best that superhero powers are only imaginary.

Out of complete curiosity, what is a superhero power that you would like to have and why?

Leave your answers in the comment section below. Peace out jerks!