Do you ever have those days when you get up at noon and later and just kind of lay there in awe, wondering what the hell you’re doing with life? Me neither.

Sometimes in life it seems like we constantly keep getting served shit sandwiches, and for some fucking reason we actually eat them, and we keep eating them because we tell ourselves things like “It’s just a shit sandwich, at least it doesn’t smell too bad”. We make up excuses for ourselves to keep on eating the shit sandwich, and we actually keep going back to the same run down burger joint and actually ordering shit sandwiches for ourselves. Seriously! After a while you gotta wonder, what’s so special about these shit sandwiches? Don’t you people know that you don’t have to order a shit sandwich? There are plenty of other better tasting foods.

The metaphor behind the last paragraph pretty much just means, bluntly, stop being a little bitch. That’s not what you want to hear, I know, but there are so many people who are afraid to stand up for themselves. And I don’t just mean like finally standing up to that black guy down the street who keeps on asking for three dollars, to who you sheepishly hand over the change you received from that run down burger joint that you purchased a shit sandwich from. No, I’m talking about any possible way you can stand up for yourself. There is a lot of people who are afraid of speaking their mind, because they fear judgement. If you’re reading this, and you feel targeted specifically, then listen close: You don’t have to be afraid.

 

Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one. Why not flaunt yours to the rest of the world. Okay, so maybe that’s not the best follow up to a metaphor about the human butthole, but you get my point. I have a friend who is so afraid of judgement that when in a drive thru of a fast food restaurant (where he probably ordered a shit sandwich), after making his first order, let’s say he gets a shit sandwich, he forgets to tell the cashier lady that he would also like ketchup for his sandwich. He will completely put aside his craving for the condiment, and he will not ask the cashier lady for a couple packets of ketchup because he’s afraid that she will judge him for wanting ketchup. Understandable right? Who the fuck uses ketchup anymore?

Look, it’s hard for me to sit here and convince someone who has problems like that to all of a sudden not have the fears he or she does. Believe me, I really want to because it drives me batshit crazy to see a person acting that way. However, I do understand that some people for whatever reasons they may have, are socially awkward. And for those specific weirdos I have something to say to you specifically. You’re not alone. In fact I feel like most people in the world are odd in some shape or fashion. Everybody has their comfort zones, just don’t make yours yourself. If you know that most of the people who you are afraid of talking to are probably wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy weirder than you, it might make it easier for you to approach them. Unless you watch clown porn. If you watch clown porn, please get off of my blog. Another thing is that, nobody really fucking cares weather or not you eat ketchup on your sandwich, or what clothes you put on that day.

The problem with people who fear judgement is that most of the time they are also judging others. You look at some douchebag’s “New Kids on the Block” T-shirt and you think to yourself that he is so stupid for wearing that shirt. POW! You just put that thought into your head. Now you wear a shirt that says something lame like “I’ve got your back” with some dumb stick figure holding another stick figure’s back, and at first you feel confident about it, you think that by wearing this shirt, you might walk by some person and they will just be so sucked in to your shirt, and wont stop looking at it, and they will be saying to themselves, “Wow that shirt is so gosh darn funny! (Insert obnoxious laughter noise)”. Then after the shirt isn’t so new anymore you start to judge your own damn shirt! Then you feel like if you wear it out people are gonna look at you and snicker and whisper things about you to their friends. Right? RIGHT?!

Okay seriously people give literally no shits about your shirts. And you wouldn’t think that anybody gave a shit if YOU never gave a shit about THEIR shirts! You did this to yourself! So stop. Just stop being a dick to people and you wont think that people are being dicks to you. You don’t have to eat the shit sandwich if you just never thought that a shit sandwich existed to begin with. I mean think about it, what place do you know that serves shit sandwiches anyway? See? There’s no shit sandwiches, unless you make one.

By the way, your shirt is fucking stupid.

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